Heartbreak at Muscle Beach

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Day of the Beefcake

According to The Old Farmer’s Almanac, May 19th is the best day to plant above ground crops, graft or pollinate, or to begin a diet to gain weight. So, I might have jumped the gun on last weekend’s carbo-loading. Oh well, grab and plate and start over. I have confirmed by several sources that May 19th is National Devil’s Food Cake Day, so batter up! We can’t all be Lou Ferrigno.

We are on the fourth day of a waxing moon. Anne Boleyn, the second wife of Henry VIII of England, was beheaded in 1536. If I remember my American Red Cross training correctly, when you arrive at the scene of an accident, the following are signs not bother with CPR or stop if you have started: rigor mortis, lividity, impalement, decomposition, incineration, and decapitation.

There have, however, been 38 medically documented incidents of Lazarus Syndrome since 1982, where people declared dead have just randomly started breathing again, sometimes in the morgue.

Today’s lucky number: 78

Today’s pet horoscope: go here

Seconds of consciousness after decapitation: debatable

Alcoholics Anonymous affirmation: just for today (I know it’s the same as yesterday’s but perhaps you are not understanding the meaning of this affirmation).

Today’s literary conflict: man vs. self


Anybody want a peanut?

Today is the birthday of Johns Hopkins, Ruth Ella Moore, Malcolm X, Andre the Giant, and Pete Townshend. Ogden Nash died in 1971.

Also, World Whiskey Day is celebrated on the third Saturday of May, so between the cake and the drinking, you’ve got a lot of work to do. EMTs will not try to rescue you tomorrow when they find you with rigor mortis.

Published by Guinevere Han Derpants

Writer. Not waving but drowning. Don't worry, help is probably on the way.

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