God for the Nonbelievers

Karl Fabergé was born in 1846. You know the guy that made the ornate eggs for Russian royalty with all those shiny things? Kind of like the crab in Moana, but fancier. This year our daughters asked why we dye eggs at Easter, and of course I had to look it up and give them the whole history (they weren’t that curious). Possibly as far back as the 13th century, Christians have Easter eggs to celebrate life and renewal.  And traditionally, they dyed them red to symbolize the blood of Christ. Gross. As we celebrate the holiday for zero of the faith, and 100% for the candy, we soon moved onto more important matters at hand. As far as they are concerned, God is some guy who lives down the street in a house called church, which is to say they think he is a cross between a superhero and a wizard, and owns a lot of real estate.  It can make for some uncomfortable family visits, and some arbitrary Christmas decorations (all pluses in my book).

Actual manger designed by the creator of Meatbelt that can be enjoyed by your action figures and temporary motor vehicle garage all year round. You can use it for your Christmas card if you want.

Also born today: chemist Joseph W Kennedy, who co-discovered plutonium; actor Mel Blac, the voice of many of your childhood memories; writer Millicent Selsam, who in addition to the award winning  Biography of an Atom, wrote a number of children’s books about science.  And Kevin Eastman, co-creator of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles turns 56 today.  That seems like a brew for a dynamic and colorfully comic day, no?  Maybe a stage play?

The original game board for The Checkered Game of Life, Milton Bradley Co.

You sunk my battleship:

Joan of Arc was burned at the stake today in 1431.  Here is one of my favorite Leonard Cohen songs.. Also Alexander Pope died today in 1744, and Voltaire in 1778. Wilbur Wright of Wright Brothers fame died in 1912, and Milton Bradley died today in 1911.

Remember the other day when I told you about all of the terrible media I will happily consume? Well I was driving home a little while ago, and listening to the radio because sadly, in my car it is the only option, and that awful Goo Goo Dolls song from the mid 1990’s came on, and it is of course one of the songs I will listen to in spite of myself. I don’t know what it is called, but the words are something like “I don’t want the world to see me, because I don’t think that they’d understand…” Anyway, I realized that every time I hear this song, I think of Meg Ryan getting hit by a bus.  I won’t look this up on the internet because I don’t want facts to ruin it, but I am under the impression she was in a movie in the 1990’s that has Angels in the title, and as this song plays, she is riding down a hill with her eyes closed and her arms outstretched, and she gets hit by a bus.  I am under this impression because I never saw it, someone just gave me a synopsis, and the image I suppose comes from a movie trailer.  So, is this what really happened in that movie? I don’t ever want an answer, because, either way, that is some funny shit.

Today’s lucky numbers: 14 and 31, and however many squares there are on a checkerboard.  I don’t feel like counting.

What came first, the chicken or the egg?  The egg guys.  It’s always going to be the egg. Also did you know that chickens are tiny dinosaurs?

Published by Guinevere Han Derpants

Writer. Not waving but drowning. Don't worry, help is probably on the way.

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